A Week In The Diary Of Kou Yaten
by jade
Summary: The title really says it all. Yaten goes back for a week long vacation on Earth and tells it through his diary. ^_^


            Um, this is just supposed to be humorous, not really done for one purpose or another. Basically the story is that the Starlights and Kakyuu come to visit Earth for a week but the whole story is told through Yaten's diary. (He keeps a diary? That's pretty sensitive…) And all the Starlights are magically guys when not transformed. (Weird…)

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

Warnings: Yaten's such an ass…And some cussing. Lots and lots of name calling. (If you're offended, just remember the author is joking. Haha funny.)

A Week In The Diary Of Kou Yaten__

            **_April 20th_**

            Today we arrived on Earth. That was the worst spaceship ride known to man. Kinmokusein technology is the worst. (Well Earth is the worst as they can barely get people to the moon let alone across several galaxies.)  Seiya sat there whining the whole time because he was "bored." And then on the other side was Taiki who had his nose permanently in a book. So there was almost no conversation except for making fun of Seiya. (Which is a good pastime despite what Kakyuu thinks.) Kakyuu just sat there looking princess-like until finally she slumped over and looked like she was going to pass out from exhaustion. (That would have been interesting.) But back to Earth which sucks based on the fact that we have to see the Dumb and Dumber Senshi. (Although they are quite moronic, the Outers are really the Dumb Senshi because while they may be stupid, no one beats out the Blonde Twins.) We met them at an airport terminal. The Dumb and Dumber Senshi were there to welcome us back. Usagi and Mamoru were so mushy together that I wanted to throw up. (That might have also been from the bumpy ride there.) Ami could barely acknowledge us through her book. (I swear that Ami and Taiki were made for each other, but they'll never notice as their too busy with books.) Rei, Minako (The most annoying of all blondes), and Makoto were squealing constantly. (It was like a pig farm. Except that real pigs look nicer.) Then Haruka and Seiya had a glaring contest. I think that Haruka lost though as she was distracted by Michiru who said she was happy to see us and so was Haruka. (Haruka looked like she was bidding her time as to when she would kill Seiya.) Then we got re-introduced to a much older and taller Hotaru. (There's something about that girl I don't trust at all.) Then we were greeted by a not changed at all Setsuna. (That lady gives me the creeps. The way she just looks at you and sort of smiles because she knows something you don't know…it's just creepy.) So then we finally got to the hotel and we all passed out as soon as we could lie down. Then I woke up and decided to write in this thing not because I think it's cool or helpful but because there really is no one else to tell all of these things too. That's enough for now.

            **_April 21st_**

            The Dumber Senshi woke us up way too early. (Nothing is worse then hearing those freaking harpies screech at some unnatural time of the day.) Makoto made us breakfast. (She's not a bad cook, which may get her a husband if he can put up with her lack of brains.) Usagi wanted to go sight-seeing as soon as possible. (Like we didn't do enough of that last time.) We put on sunglasses lest we be reminded by screaming fan-girls of our days as a boy band. (I _still have nightmares.) I had to admit that Kakyuu in sunglasses was actually kind of funny. We went to a huge aquarium which at first was okay. Deciding to get away from the Dumbers I went to look at some tropical fish away from the group. That's when I noticed that Hotaru was standing there watching the fish. She turned her head and asked me what I was doing there. (What does she think I was following her around or something? Like I have nothing better to do?) So I told her a little about my morning so far and she laughed when I said 'The Dumbers.' Then she told me she was here with the rest of the Outers. That's when Setsuna showed up just in time to be creepy. All she said was "What a coincidence." (Yeah it's a real fucking koinky-dink there Setsuna, since you __are the Keeper of Time.) Hotaru waved good-bye when she walked off with Meioh "I Know Everything" Setsuna. I wandered back thinking how it would be better to walk around the aquarium with Hotaru than the Dumbers. (Hell, I'd take Setsuna's company over them.) Then we were promptly dragged to every store on this one strip of road. I thought Seiya's eyes were going to pop out of his head when he saw Kakyuu in a mini-skirt. (We stopped at a clothing store.) Taiki bought some new books. (Gee, I'm dying from shock.) Then after a full day of shopping and then dinner. (At least I didn't have to pay. I thought Mamoru was going to go into cardiac arrest when the check came to our table. Now that would have been the highlight of my day.) The Blonde Twins decided we should all go to a nightclub. After much protest on my part I was finally convinced to go somewhat. I stood against a wall in the back watching people dancing. Taiki was a few feet away NOT reading. He even danced with Ami a few times which was pretty funny because their both really innocent and were trying not to touch. Then the Dumb Senshi came in. Setsuna just sort of walked off and Michiru and Haruka started dancing immediately. Hotaru came over and started to talk to me. I decided she wasn't too bad. Then she wanted to dance. I only did it cause I was bored of course. That girl is sort of weird though. (Must be from hanging around Sailor Creepy.) She went all red in the face for no reason while we were dancing. Yeah, whatever. I'm tired now and I hope I don't get woken up at an ungodly hour tomorrow._

            **_April 22nd_**

            I was woken up at an ungodly hour. (Okay so it was ten o'clock but I wanted to sleep until at least noon.) We quickly got dressed and headed for the racetrack 'cause the dyke had a race today. I tried to fake like I had broken a leg so I wouldn't have to go but everyone saw through it. We got there in time to find seats with Michiru, Poker Face, and Hotaru. Setsuna smiled and said she thought Haruka had a good chance at winning. (Gee, I wonder if Sailor Dyke will win?) I had to sit next to Hotaru because otherwise I would have had to sit next to Minako and Usagi. (Talk about hell in a hand-basket…)  So as expected Haruka wins the race and then suddenly we have to go out and celebrate as oppose to letting me go get some sleep. Once again, Earth sucks. So do its inhabitants. I'll take the Home o' the Olive Blossoms any day. So Haruka and Michiru pay for a big expensive lunch for everyone. (Mamoru looked pretty relieved.) Once again I got sat down to next to Hotaru.  I was going to sit next to Taiki but noooooooo, Sailor Creepy had to take my spot and give me that weird look. I ended up telling Hotaru about my day so far and even mentioned my nicknames for Setsuna. She laughed and told me that she liked how I looked at the world. (What the hell does that mean? Too much time with the Time Guardian obviously has an effect on you.) Usagi ended up eating half the restaurant and Ami gave us a huge lecture on how to behave. I didn't do anything! I just wanted to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. Kakyuu kept stifling yawns so I know she wouldn't mind sleeping either. But oh no, we have to go get ice cream with the Dumbers and walk around in the big park. The Dumb Senshi were leaving but Hotaru said she wanted to come too. (I don't really care if she does or not or anything…I just thought that I should document it.) As soon as we got our ice-cream at the park the Blonde Idiots went to play on the swings. The others went to play with them too until it was just us and Hotaru on a couple of benches. Kakyuu fell asleep and Seiya went all red in the face because her head was on his shoulder. (We woke her up during our argument that HE started.) Taiki read. We finally got to go back to the hotel room, thanks to quick thinking on my part. (Okay I faked sick and they all played along with it.) I went straight to my bed and passed out for awhile. I woke up again when Seiya started watching TV. I went into the bathroom and wrote in my journal. Let's hope I get lots of sleep tonight. I don't care what they do tomorrow, I'm not getting up till I want too.

            **_April 23rd,_**

****So apparently everyone has decided that it's National 'Let's Get Yaten Up Really Early Every Day' Week. I said I wasn't going to get up till I wanted to but no one paid attention to me. Kakyuu gave me a look and said that I had to come along or else. Dammit. Since when do the Royal Princess of Kinmokusei and her guardian senshi have to comply with the wishes of all the other stupid senshi? Today Luna and Artemis decided to join us. I remember Luna and we had a rather pleasant conversation on the train to some big park for a stupid festival until a certain idiot by the name of Seiya started making fun of me, and Hotaru, who got sat across from me, started giggling. (What the hell is she laughing at? I think having a conversation with a cat is way better then a conversation with Setsuna, who was sitting next to Hotaru the whole time and just sending out her creepy vibe for the whole train ride.) So I stopped talking to Luna. She ran under the seat to go talk to the blondes about something. Maybe she was telling them how to think and walk at once. That should be a challenging lesson for them. Hotaru tried to make conversation about various things with us but Seiya was too busy trying to hit on Kakyuu and not get caught, Taiki was too busy reading, and Setsuna was too busy…being Setsuna. So basically we ended up talking. At one point Taiki switched her seats so that we could talk to each other and he could go to sleep. I can't say I blame the guy. I decided that Hotaru was almost cool enough to be a Starlight. (I'm so replacing Seiya, what a dipwad.) So we got to the park place where we all immediately had to stop in a bathroom so we could change into kimonos. (Stupid kimonos.) Then we got to hang out at the festival which wasn't too bad. Somehow we all got separated. (I think Seiya and Kakyuu got lost somewhere back at the bathrooms…ew.) I swear I started out with everyone but how anyone could keep up with Usagi, who obviously has ADD is beyond me. So I decided to wander around with Taiki, Hotaru, and Setsuna. (The happy lesbian couple skipped out on this outing.) Taiki runs off when he swears he sees Seiya and Kakyuu and swears to come right back. Leaving me alone with Creepy-Head and Hotaru. Hotaru wants to catch a goldfish so we stop to do that. I turn around because Sailor Creepy was being too quiet and she wasn't there anymore so it was just Hotaru and me. I said we should stick together because everyone seemed to be disappearing. Surprisingly, it wasn't all that bad. It was actually kind of fun. We all found each other when the fireworks display started and I was kind of well…not really sad…um…more like just not happy we found the others. 'Cause their annoying. Yeah. We caught the last train of the evening back. Hotaru fell asleep and her head was against my shoulder. Seiya kept making all these stupid remarks about it and I couldn't get up and kick his ass because I didn't want to wake her up. I mean, not that it mattered but I was pissed off at not getting to sleep as much as I wanted so I was trying to be nice. When the train stopped, Hotaru woke up and apologized. (Why was she all red in the face?) I told her it was okay and then got up and hit Seiya a bunch of times. So it was an okay day. 

            **_April 24th_**

****I got to sleep in today. It ruled. I could already tell this day was going to be way better then the others. Haha, Seiya walked in on Kakyuu this morning while she was naked in the bathroom. I got back at him for last night but Taiki cut my revenge short by pointing out that it wasn't technically anything that Seiya had not seen before. (Taiki is such a _dork_.) We were free to wander the city as we pleased, which was cool even though I _hate Tokyo. Seiya and Kakyuu left before both Taiki and me. Taiki had plans to go see some historical yappy-yap place. I decided that was a-okay and I could find something __interesting to do. I decided to go to an art museum because even though we obviously have way better artists on Kinmokusei, they weren't too bad here. I thought it was just going to be me today, getting to look at paintings without anyone bothering me but oh no. Setsuna scared the crap out of me by coming up behind me and making some weird comment about a painting I had been studying. Stupid Michiru had a stupid painting exhibition that day. Her art is okay. They were giving away free champagne and caviar so lucky me. Hotaru came up and asked me how I liked Michiru's paintings. I told her that Michiru had never had any sense of color so I wasn't surprised by her paintings. Hotaru laughed and said that she heard all about the time that I said Michiru's lipstick was an ugly shade. (They tell that story?) When I asked the equivalent of that, Hotaru went red in the face again and said that she had asked about the time we had been here before. (I could have told her: It sucked and we couldn't find Kakyuu. End of story.) After awhile we both got bored and went to go to some corner café because while caviar is the best food that Earth has to offer, I wanted lunch. I noticed that I had spent a majority of my time on earth with Hotaru, probably because she was the only person on the planet who wasn't annoying. Plus, for some weird reason she likes it when I tell her about my day. She wiggles up nose and laughs. It's kind of…cute. Well, cuter then her other facial expressions. It's not like I think she's cute or anything. I just wanted to clarify in case _somebody_ finds out about this diary and then decides he needs to have a public reading. (I already have my revenge planned just in case, like I don't know where Seiya keeps all those poems he writes about Kakyuu.) So lunch was good, I paid even though Hotaru kept insisting she should. Then we didn't feel like going back to the museum of crappy art so we ended up in some park. Unfortunately so did Seiya and Kakyuu. Seiya kept making dumbass remarks about the fact that Hotaru was with me. It's just because there is no one else with any intelligence to talk to. (Stupid Seiya.) I don't even want to _know_ what those two were up to all day. Probably nothing considering they both blush and act like dorks if either one says anything remotely mushy. We all went to get ice-cream again. Then we ended up going separate ways while going around the park. Seiya says they got bored and went back to the hotel but I saw those two in those boat rides they were giving. Hotaru suggested that we go back to her house for dinner. Deciding I didn't feel like being subjected to any of the Dumb Senshi cooking, I went and got dinner with her at a restaurant. It wasn't like a date. I just asked her if she'd rather go out to eat. And I paid. But that doesn't count or anything. Afterwards she thanked me for dinner and kissed me on the cheek really fast before running off. I stood there for a few moments watching her run away. That's how friends thank each other. Yeah, friends type of thing. She had been blushing again. Okay, fine, she's cute, happy?_

            **_April 25th,_**

****Expecting to sleep in, I didn't see the whole thing coming. One moment, I'm sleeping peacefully and the next, I'm being held against a wall by the angriest dyke I have ever seen. What the hell was Haruka so pissed off about? Michiru wasn't there so I wondered if Haruka was finally getting to murder Seiya as she always wanted to and decided to kill the rest of us off too. That was not the case. She starts demanding to know why I took Hotaru out on a date. Once again, it wasn't a date. I tried to reason with her but she was a tad bit scary. She told me that if I tried to pull anything with Hotaru I was dead. Okay. Enough said. After that she let me go, dusted off her hands, and wished me good luck. What the HELL??? I'm never ever coming back to Earth again. Only one last day left and that was fine by me. Seiya of course had to sit there and slide in comments until I threatened to kill him. Why didn't Haruka get anything useful done while she was here? The Inner senshi showed up with breakfast from a local bagel shop. I was all over this until they mentioned how they'd be spending the whole day with us. Again. This day was gonna suck. First I get woken up by a pissed off Haruka and then I have to hang out with them? Hey and how did Haruka get into our hotel room? (I'm not gonna ask. I'm not scared of her or anything, just a little…hesitant about asking.) So, deciding that we poor Kinmokuseins would die if we never went to the zoo, that's where we went. I don't like zoos. They're kind of boring and watching caged animals isn't really my thing. I was about to just give up on the day all together when we were suddenly joined by four people. Guess who? Haruka shot me looks that said she wanted desperately to hurt me, Michiru looked on the verge of apologizing, Setsuna was giving me that creepy look, and Hotaru _was apologizing that Haruka had bothered me. I told her it was okay. (Partly because Haruka's deadly looks. Can we say overprotective? It's not like it was a date!) We watched animals until lunch, and then we were sitting there watching pigeons eat the crumbs thrown them by various people just passing by, when Kakyuu faked passing out. It was the coolest thing she's ever done. (She was totally sick of the animals.) We were all on a bus back when she "woke up" and declared that she was fine. We decided to go to this huge mall for some more shopping. Bo-ring. I went to a camera shop to look around. I was thinking about buying one so I could get a really good blackmail shot of Seiya. That would rule. Hotaru joined me asking me if I was into photography. I kind of just shrugged and then bought one of those cheap disposable cameras. (Blackmail photos don't have to be taken with expensive ones.) Right after that I tried to take a picture of Hotaru who hid her face behind her hands. She just would not let me take a picture of her. I thought that was kind of weird and I asked her why. Get this; she said that pictures were supposed to be beautiful memories or something like that. I told her she was pretty enough to be in a picture. (If you can take pictures of Seiya, you can take pictures of anyone.) So, this is where the day went from boring to the best day on Earth _ever_. Hotaru let's me take a picture of her, finally. Then all of a sudden, she starts talking about how spending time with me has been one of the greatest times of her life. (I swear this is what she said.) This is going to sound weird but it occurred to me that I hadn't really had any fun with someone like I did with her. Then she goes on to say she'll miss me more then I can imagine. I realize, I'm going to miss her a lot too. Which I tell her. She hugs me and after a few moments, I start hugging her. The coolest thing ever happened. We kissed. Now, I've never kissed anyone before so I may not be an expert on matters but I think it's safe to say it was a really good kiss. The others show up and ruin it. Haruka looked ready to pull out a baseball bat and start beating me with it. We separated immediately and didn't wander off from the group anymore. So, we never really got to say anything about the kiss. I swear I'll kill Seiya if he makes one more joke about it. (He's making stupid kissy noises from outside this bathroom.) I guess since we're leaving tomorrow, I'll have to see what happens._

            **_April 26th,_**

****Okay, I'm writing you in public just to keep you updated. See, this is what happened today. We got up; we packed up our stuff, and got ready to take our spaceship right on back to Kinmokusei. The senshi came to see us off. Including Hotaru. We got lots of take home presents. Then Hotaru pulled me away from everyone while they were still saying good-bye. She said she wished I didn't have to leave and that I should come visit her one day if I ever had any time. I told her I'd make time and kissed her on the cheek. (This is the good part.) So we're about to leave and everyone's watching us go. I see Hotaru crying and then it hit me. (No, Haruka didn't run me over with a car.) I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay with Hotaru. I dropped my stuff immediately and ran over to her, pulling her into this hug. I guess the whole thing was kind of mushy. I tell her basically what I figured out and she told me that she was in love with me. In love. I was in love with her too. Why didn't I figure it out sooner? (I mean, I would expect that sort of thing out of Seiya considering his mental process is extremely slow.) So I told her the same thing. I didn't really think people could fall in love after a week but I guess they can. So it ends up that I'm staying on Earth. Kakyuu said they'd come back to visit me. It's not such a bad planet. And I'm no longer writing in this diary. So long.

*                                              *                                              *

            "What's that?" Hotaru asked him as Yaten threw a book into a nearby trashcan after finishing writing something in it. 

            "My diary." Yaten shrugged. "I don't really need it anymore." 

            "Why not?" Hotaru was frowning at the trashcan. 

            "I finally found someone I can tell things to." Yaten smiled at her before taking her hand. "Hotaru?"

            "Yeah?" Hotaru looked up at him happily.

            "Do we have to live with Creepy?" Yaten asked. Hotaru assured him they'd get their own apartment.

*                                              *                                              *

            Woohoo. I'm done. Kickass. I hope you guys found this slightly amusing and remember that I do like a lot of the characters I made fun of. Really, I do. Read and review!


End file.
